curious-me's Diaryland Diary


Is it wrong to want to drink this much?

Whew finally Friday. Let's see where to begin. Well first things first I saw J the other night. He called to tell me he got his tax refund and could pay me the money he owed me. So when I was dropping my brother off after Survivor I got the money off him and he came out to take a look at my new car and then we chatted for a bit. It all went well until he started talking about his new girlfriend. I mean what guy does this? He knows that subject rubs me raw. Oh yah he was pointing out that I could come and visit him in his new place this summer without worrying about bumping into "her" cause she's going home for the summer. I just sat there and stared at him. I told him it was doubtful I'd visit him. He questioned how I could remain friends with the other ex's but not him. So yes once again I went over my spiel about how he broke my heart and totally played me for a fool with the other ex's were up front and honest with me. They didn't tell me they loved me up until the day we split. He has a lot of growing up to do. I was quite thrilled to feel no sexual attraction to him. I didn't want to kiss him or hold him or touch him or suck his was great! I'm glad I saw him though - it's like I had a break through. He's no longer the centre of my life. I don't think about 'what if's' anymore. I don't think about him missing me in about a year or what a mistake it was to break up with me. We're two seperate people now - living two seperate lives. Wow. Is this a break through or is it just me? If I re-read my diary from a few months ago I'm not sure if I'd recognize the girl. I've come a long way. Oh now don't get me wrong I'm certainly not saying that everything is beeutiful and life is great. I know I'm going to keep hitting rough patches and hell I may get sentimental during the month or on special occasions and miss the bastard but I'm going to enjoy this J free moment. *sigh* good stuff.

So yah I'm still meeting guys on line. I even met one last night *grin* yes I did. There was no lightning bolt, no magic moment and I may never talk to him again. Nothing happened. We met up had a few drinks, talked for an hour or so and then said goodbye. He was also 11 years older than me. Although I have a sneaking suspicion he was lying about his age and is a wee bit older than that. But that's okay. He was a nice guy. I just can't believe I did it! I wasn't nervous until I got a phone call around 5:30. I told him I was going to the gym right after work and I'd be home around 6:30. I was running late (as usual) and the phone rang, I answered and then the person hung up. So of course I'm curious and I *69' was a blocked call. Then I stared imaging all sorts of things - what if he was a psycho or a rapist? Then I remembered that a few nights before I had a call where the caller hung up and I *69'd again (yah I know my phone bill is gonna be hell) but the call was blocked then too. Well at least I couldn't be the same guy since I just gave this guy my number. Anyway I calmed down, stopped looking for my mace and got ready. He called a bit later than he said he would cause he got caught up at work. Of course I was imagining getting stood up so I was excited when he called. I got there a minute or two after the appointed time - I tried to drive slow! He was running late so I called T and made her talk to me. She was so excited for me. She's a freak. Anyway it turned out to be an okay night. It helped going in with no expectations. I don't know if he'll contact me again....I guess we'll see. Oh as for the first guy Andrew no word from him. I'm assuming he was eaten by the mouse in his apartment. Of course maybe he was the serial killer and I should be glad he's not talking to me....but still when people just drop off like that it's kinda weird. Although I did that to one guy - but c' was the sweet baby guy! Totally different.

Yah so today I checked my email and two of the guys I've been emailing me gave me their numbers and said to call them this weekend. Whoa. Freak. me. out. Well this is what I asked for so now I have to have the balls to go through with it.

Wish me luck. Oh yah, tonight I'm goin' out whorin' at the country bar. I'm torn about what to wear. T encourages me to get whored up but then C will have that disapproving look. Ah well we'll see. But whatever I wear I plan on getting drunk! After the month I had I think I deserve it. Thankfully I have nowhere to go tommorow so I'm safe there......

time to clean up and get the heck out of's to a fun filled weekend for everyone....oh well except for J that is *grin*

3:54 p.m. - 2003-03-28


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