curious-me's Diaryland Diary


Not so private anymore!

Well it happened. Keith has now officially read my online diary. The words 'freaking out' come to mind. You know how I mentioned that he had lost interest...nope he didn't. He used the search feature in diaryland (after creating his own diary none the less!) and found me. Damn my musical tastes! Damn Michael Bolton! Sorry, Mike I don't mean that! But yah it was pretty nerve wracking last night. I told him to go ahead and read it while I was there - I would rather that than not be there and reads all this stuff and jumps to wrong conclusions etc. But I told him he couldn't read it in front of me. I totally couldn't take that. So he went in the other room and every once in a while he'd come out and discuss something I said. I really didn't know I could turn that red. I don't know why I found it so embaressing - I guess cause my boyfriend was reading all my thoughts and feelings about him and every other guy I dated! Yah that would do it. I knew parts of it would hurt him and that's the last thing I wanted. I was pretty screwed up just as we were getting together (yah the whole J thing again). I did some stuff with J that looking back on was pretty dumb. But the worst of it is that Keith came away with the feeling that I had settled for him. I think my heart may have skipped a beat there. Was the guy reading the same stuff I had written? Did he not read about how scared I am to be with him and love him - and yet I'm with him every day that I can be?! Ack Men! I tried to tell him that I definately didn't settle and that I'm so happy with him it scares me. I never thought I'd find another relationship (especially this fast)in which I'd be so happy. And he truly does make me happy. We joke around that it's because he feeds me but c'mon T feeds me all the time so it's not the food! Do you hear that Keith?! Yah I know you're reading this. Anyway I really hope (and pray) that he believes what I'm telling him. Seriously, though does he not read about how scared I am that any minute this relationship is going to go bust in my face - because I'm so happy with HIM?

Anyway that's my rant of today. Now I'm off to go pickup a few groceries and then to have my left overs from the other night...mmmm left overs...but I swear it's not all about the food baby!

12:58 p.m. - 2003-07-24


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