curious-me's Diaryland Diary


A lesson learned

I changed the color of my background...I know...thrilling.

So being housebound wasn't so bad this weekend. Quite a bit of walking though...but since I haven't been getting to the gym this isn't such a bad thing. Friday after work I walked to Keith's, we had dinner and then walked over to my place. Rainy/snowy and cold. We layed down around 10:30, at 11:30 Keith got up to go to work and I went back to sleep - I know I'm such the party animal. I woke up around 5:30 right before he got home from work. We ended up staying up till around 8 and then he crashed for a few hours while I got up and did some reading and tv watching. He woke up about 2 and then we got ourselves ready and walked over to McD's (tsk tsk I know. From there we caught the bus and went to the mall. He bought a hat...supposedly so he can keep warm since he's gonna shave his beard. Yah he grew a beard...I guess to keep warm. I just miss touching his soft face. But I guess he has to keep warm. Anywho we went back to Keith's place after our non-mall shopping and stayed in for the night. Sunday was a write off. I spent the whole day in pajamas and alternately slept and ate all day long. Very productive.

I'm kinda bummed. I just got news on the parts I need for my car. The one guy who I was buying parts off of for pretty cheap just called to let me know that - oops - he made a mistake and that he doesn't have the parts I need - no one does. My car is new and this part does not break on cars this new...well yes...yes as a matter of fact they do. So now I'm back to the gm dealership but I can sort of get a semi-discount if I use T's boyfriends business name. They have the parts in now I just have to wait for the go ahead from my mechanic. He's doing some calling around and checking on stuff. My head hurts from just thinking about all this stuff. I just want my car back to working order and if I don't have to pay a kings ransom than that will just be swell too. As it is I'm using my 'vacation money' to pay for this unexpected expense.

Stressed? You could say so. And don't even get me started about the whole moving in thing. My stomach now physically cramps when I think about it. I know I'm probably building it up in my head more than it warrants but to me this is a huge mountain I have to overcome. Keith said yesterday how I didn't have to pay rent since I'd be giving my notice today. Ummm no. We just spoke about this the other day. I didn't want to tell my parents now right before x-mas so that leaves January. Thus I wouldn't be moving out till January...thus not giving my notice till next month. Honestly a part of me just wants to pick up the phone, call my parents and spill the beans. I know once it's out in the open it won't be pretty but I have a feeling that I'll feel like I have this huge weight lifted from my chest. The one thats constricting my breathing everytime I think about moving in with Keith...which is about hmmm 50 times a day...that's a lot of breath I'm losing. No wonder I'm always so tired.

I was supposed to walk over to Keith's at lunch but the weather is alternating between blizzardy and sunshine. I'm not gonna chance it. Plus there's a little craft sale going on in our office so I'm gonna check that out - gifts for the relatives who have everything and enjoy getting homemade stuff. Which works out cause I'm not all that craft oriented and if the price is right then it's all good.

Calgon take me away.

And one more thing....approximately one year ago...I was dumped. Not that I'm dwelling on it. But I guess I'm just surprised about how far I've come since then. I remember crying so many tears that I thought they would never end. Then I swore to myself that I would never ever love another guy with all of my heart, cause I would never go through this pain again. Now here I am loving another guy with all of my heart. But it's different this time. Everything about this relationship is different. In a good way. In an awesome way. It's like we just clicked. I don't feel this panic or this worry when I think abour our future.

*Insert story here* - I remember about a year or so ago a co-worker of mine got asked by someone whether their boyfriend at the time was going to propose soon - she said 'he better...I'm waiting.'. At the time I was kind of taken aback. She shouldn't think like that I thought to myself. What if she scares him away or she's putting to much pressure on him and he leaves her? This is where my head was at. Any kind of commitment was meant to be taken lightly. Don't pressure the guy or he'll leave you. I really don't know if this is coming out right. But I guess what I mean to say is that I don't feel that way anymore. I don't feel like I'll be chasing Keith away if the M word is brought up...which it has been by both of us. I think we both see it as the natural path that we'll be taking.

So to sum this part of all this up....although I do look back on a year ago at this time with some sadness (being down in the dumps at x-mas is just sad!) I do look at it as a blessing in disguise. I wouldn't have such happiness with this amazing guy. Hmmm weird....while writing all this all the tension and stress regarding all of the above took a back seat. Maybe I should be concentrating on some of the good things in my life more often rather than the not so good things. Cause who knows maybe they will turn out to be blessings in disguise to....

11:52 a.m. - 2003-12-01


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