curious-me's Diaryland Diary


Cheaters never win....honestly.

-9, feels like -19. At least that's what the weather forecast is saying. Of course to me it feels like -30. As I layed in bed this morning listening to the wind whistle outside I decided not to walk. Screw it. I'm parked in the visitors spot. A girl can only take so much coldness. Most of the office is in today except for our receptionist -guess where I am right now? Yup.

I'm sitting here sipping a timmy's. For some reason I seem to be able to brave the cold for a coffee from tim's. Ahh. Which again I need today.

Last night after eating the biggest plate of pasta ever, Keith and I went to the movies. No popcorn for me, let's just say I feared hipcupping...I was that full. I told Keith that we are NEVER going to go to the movies late (especially on a Tuesday) ever again. We showed up 10 minutes late during the trailers and we ended up sitting 2nd row. As we were leaving the theatre I felt like a pretzel. I was twisted in my seat with my neck cranked up to stare at the huge screen. But luckily the movie was good. The first 10 minutes I was contemplating getting up and looking for a spare seat to hell with the consequences. But then the neck pain began to fade and I got into the movie. We saw the Butterfly Affect, which was quite good. I was expecting something completely different so it was a nice surprise.

We saw the early show so we still got me home at a good hour for bedtime. Unfortunately we spent the next few of them talking. Not good talking. It was about my weekend plans. I'm co-hosting a bachlorette party. We're going to the strippers. This is the 3rd time I've gone since Keith has known me. According to him. Technically this is true. Of course we weren't 'dating' the first time I went which was for S's bachlorette party. Then the 2nd time was for the man cruise which isn't exactly the strip club and we only went cause S won a free ticket. But I don't really think that's the real issue - it boils down to trust. I'm not the most trustworthy person. If you sat down and had a rundown of my life then you wouldn't trust me either. BUT if you sat down over a cup of coffee with me and we went into my past at length then I think you would come out with a different opinion. I don't know. I know there's never really an excuse to cheat on your boyfriend. But there were reasons. Valid at the least to me. But I liked to think I've lived and learned since then. I've matured. Let's say I learned from my mistakes. The first boyfriend and I were so dysfunctional that we could carry a whole hour of the Jerry Springer show. Sometimes when I find myself talking about something that happened with him in my past I sound like an abused wife. Not physically. Oddly enough I don't hate him. We were young - stupid. Plus he has realized that he treated me like crap for most of our nearly 7 years together so that's something. Then the second major cheating event was the one that wacked me on the head if you will. People got hurt, I got hurt. The fun times weren't so fun anymore.

Plus. I love Keith to death. I am willing to marry a guy who I've known for 9 months! That's insane. But that's how much I feel we're right for eachother.

He still brings up my not moving in a lot but...I still stand by my feelings. At first I was all excited to move in and then someday get married. Now? Now I want it the 'proper' way. I don't want to shack up. I want it to be for real. Anyway that's a while away.

I don't know if our talking about this weekend helped any. I told him the only thing we can do is just wait and see. I'm other gonna disappoint him and destroy what we have or come through with flying colors. My money is on the flying colors. I love the guy to much to mess with what we have. And really? A strip club? That's just wrong. Not to mention icky. It's basically desperate women living out their fantasy and the men are all to happy to cater - for a price. I would like to think I'm better than that. I think the point that was missed in discussing all this is that I was in unhappy relationships and I made bad choices. Now I'm with a guy who I want to spend the rest of my life with. I'm not gonna mess with that.

You know reading the above I sound like a chronic cheater! I'm not, I swear!

That's enough. I've pleaded my case enough. I wasn't going to write about this but I only write what's on my mind. Honestly, what I'm looking forward to the most this weekend, is hanging out with my girls. It's been so long since we've hung out. Although the bachlorette is the outsider so that will be interesting. We'll have to remember not to exclude her as we're gabbing like we normally do.

Well look at that, it's snowing....again. Just peachy. Almost 12 o'clock, I wonder when they'll start sending everyone in the office home....except me. Gah.

11:13 a.m. - 2004-01-28


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