curious-me's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wanting to live.... I came home last night and almost didn�t recognize the place. It was spotless. There were no boxes in the hallway. All of the furniture in the living room was clear and we could actually sit on our loveseat. The kitchen was spotless. What did it take for this miracle to happen? Cops. The threat of cops coming to our place that is. You see the hubby delivers bread at night and that�s when most robberies and such tend to happen. The police wanted to question him regarding an incident that happened last week even though the hubby had already told them he didn�t see or hear anything. So yesterday the hubby woke up early and cleaned the dickens out of our apartment. Suddenly it seems livable. Of course I can�t find anything�but really a small price to pay for cleanliness. I do feel bad cause all week the hubby has been doing cooking duty and dish washing duty as well. Normally I�m the cleaner and he�s the cook. I think he might be going through a cleaning phase and of course there is the small matter of my being pretty lazy this week. I have done nothing all week except for some grocery shopping and a trip to the chiro. I have been getting home, hopping into my pj�s and vegging for the night. Although in my defense it has been damn cold out this past week � we�re talking -20 kinda weather � that ain�t right. I was in a pissy mood last night when we were heading to bed. We went to bed and I was being unco-operative in the whole cuddling procedure so the hubby gave up. After a while I told him I would cuddle now. He asked why? And I told him cause I loved him and I was being stupid cause I was pissy. He was kind of surprised I admitted it. But when you�re wrong you�re wrong. So the other night I did something very dumb. I was sitting cross legged on my bed � watching tv, reading, sorting through stuff (I�m nothing if not a multi-tasker!). I noticed something on the floor so I reached down to pick it up. Except my bed isn�t that close to the floor and I�m not the most flexible � can you see where this is going? I lost my balance. I lost my balance and fell off my bed. It probably wouldn�t have been so bad if I didn�t have my legs crossed. When I fell I slammed both my knees on the hardwood floor and to protect my noggin from doing the same I twisted my back as I fell and took must of the brunt of the fall on my shoulder. To make matters worse as I lay there twisted like a pretzel, my one calf began to spasm and cramp. Keith came running in from the other room (cause the bang wasn�t small) and he tried to help me up except I told him not too since the cramping in the calf hadn�t subsided and plus I�m no butterfly so lifting me wasn�t the easiest task. Yah I can now laugh about it and even told all my co-workers about it. Good thing the day before this happened I booked a massage appointment for Friday. I need it now more than ever. I had a disturbing dream a few nights ago that has yet to leave me. I dreamt that I got a phone call letting me know that my cancer had got worse and I only had a day to live. I wasn�t shocked or upset by the call so I guess I was expecting it (in real life I don�t have cancer � that I know of!). I remember walking down a residential street (that I now realize was my childhood street from NS) with Keith. It was a nice spring day, the sun was shining and it was warm. We were holding hands and I remember looking at him and saying, �I don�t want to die today�. Then I woke up. I was on the verge of tears and it was about 2am. I got up to go pee and to shake the bad feeling. But once back in bed the dream replayed in my head and I began to cry. The one sentence kept repeating over and over in head, �I don�t want to die today�. Suddenly, for that one moment in time, all the other stresses in my life melted away � work, clutter, money � gone�.I just wanted to live. The dream still has the power to affect me. That one sentence�..I don�t want to die today. 1:10 p.m. - 2006-01-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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