curious-me's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Unguarded thoughts I was driving home from the store only moments ago. It's early evening. The sun is bright the clouds have all disappeared. People are out and about. I pass a highschool, teens are playing their sports on beautiful green grass. I'm listening to MB on my cd - our wedding song. The day feels so alive. I felt like crying. I'm going through something but I'm not sure what. I feel insecure. I feel weepy and needy. I feel trapped in a body I am very unhappy with (hate is too harsh a word). Last night while lying in bed I told Keith how much I hate my stomach. We talked for a bit. Through talking I realized that I am always tense when I am home. I no longer relax. Stress is very bad for you and pretty harsh on your body. I feel so sapped of energy. I should be loading the rest of the car for camping but the thought of carrying an armload of stuff to the car up and down 2 twisty flights of stairs and across a mud pit for a road makes me more tired than if I had done it. I will do the 4 days worth of dishes only because we don't have time tomorrow and plus I know that would be the last straw with the hubby. He won't have known I went shopping tonight for his b-day present. He'll only see that I did nothing to prepare for our long weekend. How do you explain sadness to someone when you don't even understand it yourself? It's been a while since I've felt this down. I don't use the word depressed because there are too many people out there who throw it around and I don't want to be one of them. All I can think is..."this too shall pass". To top off my wonderful day - I just looked down at my right arm at my t-shirt and I noticed a lose thread - half of my hem has unraveled. That's what I get from buying it at Wallyworld. It was my favourite colored t-shirt too. Damn. 7:37 p.m. - 2006-05-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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