curious-me's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wunderbar I was driving through the main street down town and it is filled with city folk and tourists alike most of them wearing Oktoberfest gear. I thought how ironic it was that this used to be me once upon a time when I visited this town and was all geared up for the fun and partying and now I'm leaving town - getting away from it. Granted it is Thanksgiving weekend so it's a legit excuse. But I'm just not feeling the ol excitement of how it felt in the beginning. That sucks. I started to write an entry this week but it was totally lame and all boo-hoo'y cause I did a really stupid thing and weighed myself. No gym and lots of unhealthy eating will not make the scale go down any time soon. No point in crying about it. It's action required not whining. I was also going through a bit of a downer phase through the week. I just felt 'lost'. I was at work and I just kept thinking "why am I here?". "What if I just got up and left?". I would be written up and eventually fired is most likely the answer to that. But still I was feeling this need to run away but to what was the question I was trying to figure out. Home? Nope. Vacation? Would be nice but leaving and not coming back was the most tempting. It then sort of dawned on me that what I'm missing is a distraction. I need a goal. Last year it was getting married - that took up a huge chunk of time. Then it was saving up for our honeymoon and planning it out, then this summer it was our vacation and more planning etc. Now? Nuthin'. Keith and I are saving but that money is sadly going to go towards taxes. The house fund is non-existant. Keith thinks we'll be in an excellent position a year from now with the way his job is shifting. Me? I'm not a good visualizer. I need to see results. I guess just the thought of spending even one more winter (and God forbid two!) in this apartment is bringing me down. It's just so crowded. And if there's one thing I learned Keith and I will NEVER agree about this apartment. He thinks if I got rid of all my stuff or 90% cause he's fair like that then life would be great and we'd have room to move around. Me? I know that if we had a house then our life would improve 10 fold as far as clutter is concerned. A small one bedroom apartment is just insane for 2 people. But I've been down this road before and I gotta jump off before the bitterness begins to spew out and wakes up the hubby. Okay to think about happier things last night I told the hubby that I needed 'some' and now! He obliged and it worked out for the best. Sometimes a girl just has to demand not ask! I am on a real slippery slope right now I just gave in to tempation and had a mini chocolate bar. I never stop at one. Yah. The hubby went to sleep at 9 this morning, he's gonna be a peach to wake up in the near future. I have to wake him up cause we'll be hitting the road to my parents, spending the night having some turkey tomorrow and then hitting the road again back home and doing it all again on Monday at his parents. I'm hoping to awake enough to see the Thanksgiving parade Monday morn since it ends at our street so if I walk up a couple of blocks I can catch it all. But 9am is early so we'll see. Well I shall go and snack on some sesame seed breadsticks now (still not that good but better than 20 mini chocolate bars and do a little d-land surfing. 12:35 p.m. - 2006-10-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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