curious-me's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- \"The Talk\" Two entries in one day - it's been a while since I've done that. What to say. Hm. Okay so after posting my last entry it was my lunch time and I had decided I had had enough. I told my boss I wasn't feeling well and it helped that I was tired and didn't wear make up today so looking like crap came in handy. I walked home slowly and at the last minute decided to stop and have lunch by myself. I decided it was stupid to come home to do battle with an empty stomach - knowing my luck I would get the shakes. So I sat and ate my meal and then sat a while longer and read my d-land entry that I had printed off before I left. Finally at 2 I walked home. I let myself in and sat on the couch and waited. I knew the hubby would hear me and look at the clock and come out to find out why I was home early. He asked me and I told him I didn't feel like working after reading the emails. He asked me what emails, I told him the ones he and T sent back and forth. Yah it was kind of anti clamatic but it was out. I'm still not really sure what we solved. I told him T was pissed with him and he asked me how I felt. I handed him my d-land entry to read. Have you ever sat there waiting for someone to read something? It's very nerve wracking. We talked for almost 2 hours. He said the reason he questioned S after talking to T was because when T made a comment about us girls flashing at the bar she immediately clammed up and told him not to question me cause she would get in trouble. Red Flag. Obviously Keith was going to think something was up even I understood that. But what I didn't like was that he asked S cause he felt I wouldn't give him the truth. I pointed out to him how much that hurt which he understood then I also pointed out that we (meaning me and him) are always making fun of T's non-existant memory and how scatterbrained she is. Seriously the girl forgets things faster than she can chug a beer. I told him that I was insulted he would take her word over mine knowing how she is. He saw my point of view. We talked about the past and my past and how distrustful we both are. Me mainly because of my f*cked up relationship with R. Unfortunately I don't feel good about how it ended. It just ended. I don't feel like there was closure. We didn't hug, we didn't kiss. He just got up went to the bathroom and then sort of stood in the doorway for a minute before going into our bedroom and laying down. I followed and layed down beside him and told him how much he had just hurt me by going and laying down without saying a word to me. He rolled over and gave me a half assed kiss and then I just got up and went out into the living room. Within minutes he was out again saying he couldn't fall back asleep and he sat beside me on the couch. I leaned into him and he held me for a bit but I don't know I just wasn't feeling it. I know he's tired and I know he's probably processing this but damn. We also discussed his obsession with boobs. Seriously. He admitted that it is getting out of hand. He said he's always liked boobs but since we've been together he knows he's become too obsessed with them. I asked him if he still goes on the computer and looks and he said yes. But he said he has kept his promise about not saving any pics or websites. I asked him not to look at them on the computer anymore at least for now. Our sex life has slowed down to once every 2 weeks. I'm sure getting his jollies from the computer isn't helping our relationship. This is way too much information but I just have to get it off my chest. I feel rotten right now. I did absolutely nothing all night. After our 2nd talk we didn't even sit together for the rest of the night. He sat in the computer chair and played while I surfed the tv and then after a while he got tired and went to lay down again and ended up watching tv in the bedroom while I sat outside in the living room watching my taped shows. I just feel this distance and I don't like it at all. We talked but I don't really feel like we had a resolution. He's not going to question my friends again any time soon and he feels that he will now be left out of any future partying because of his actions. You see his guy friends suck. The live all over the place and they're just not close anymore. I'm hoping that Keith is just tired and needs to process this. I know he's not thinking anything drastic like ditching me but at the same time I wish he would just hold me and tell me that it's all going to be okay. I suppose it doesn't help that I was 'rejected' when I talked about us getting it on. He's 'too tired'. Way to make a girl feel wanted! I don't know I'm just really emotional right now. In fact I'm thinking of not going into work tomorrow. It's been forever that I've called in sick. I already have a built in excuse and as a bonus I've been having some problems 'down there' tonight. I know I'll most likely go in but right now it's nice to think about. .....well the dam finally burst and I just had a good ol fashioned cry. Tears that I have been holding in all day have finally been released. It feels good. But it doesn't make it all better. If only. 10:23 p.m. - 2006-10-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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