curious-me's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .....and it goes on and on and on.... Well our internet connection is driving me ape-shit so let's hope I'm even able to post this entry! Well the last few days have not been fun. It's like I'm in a wave pool riding all these waves - sometimes they're fine othertimes they are out of control and it's all I can do to hang on. So I did in fact take yesterday off much to my husband's displeasure. He walked in our bedroom at 7:50 (I normally leave the apartment at 7:45) and when he found out I was staying home he walked back out of the room. I was too tired to go talk to him so I fell back asleep till 9:30 and noticed he still wasn't in bed. I came out to the living room to find him sleeping on the couch. His reason? I slept on it the night before cause I wasn't feeling the love from him and we were still too awkward around eachother and I didn't feel like getting rejected again. He went to bed and slept and I went to the gym (go me!). Around 2 he got up and our talk pretty much picked up where it left off the previous day. This whole thing has shifted from him checking up on me with my friends to him having too much interest in boobs. That sounds trivial but it's not. Cutting back on looking at boobs may not cut it but right now we're both kind of skirting around that issue. We both admitted that we had been avoiding eachother (he had actually sat out in the car that morning until he thought I had left for work) and we both admitted to crying when by ourselves. I left for belly dancing feeling pretty good since we had had a pretty good conversation and afterwards had even played a new card game of his and then had a quick dinner together. Before bd I met up with T to shop at V V for her and her comments immediately brought me back down. On my way home from bd I once again broke down and cried and when I came in to the apartment Keith noticed right away. I told him about my conversation with T and I'm afraid that what she took away from their conversation was the fact that he found her attractive and that really has me upset. He did tell me that he thinks she's pretty (cause she is even I admit that) but that I'm the only one he wants to be with. We talked a while longer and I felt somewhat better. After that we headed to bed and we cuddled and it felt good. But I did notice that he avoided touching me at all in the chest area. I didn't push it cause I know he has to work through this on his own before I can help. This morning we awoke together and then he made advances which I totally was all over and we had some awesome morning sex. I could tell he was avoiding touching me 'there' and I told him to do it - demanded - and he did. It was just a little but again I didn't want to push him too far. I needed him to know it's all right to touch me - especially during sex. This is so weird. I mean just a week or so ago I was thinking to myself that there's no drama in my life anymore. And dare I say I was feeling a little 'bored' with myself. Man, I would kill to go back to bored right now. I truly forgot how much drama can suck. I said to Keith last night "this too shall pass". Of course he looked at me like I was crazy but I really did mean it. Tonight after swimming T and I continued our tradion of martini night and the odd comment was made about the situation - I've told her tidbits of what's going on and obviously she is still mad at Keith. She also knows she will get over it. Will we all ever be the same when we're together again? That remains to be seen. Plus it may be a while before that happens again cause my bd classes will now start falling on Survivor nights. Most of our weekends in November are booked up and usually everyone's too busy to get together in December. I don't like the unknown so I guess I'd rather see how it's gonna be sooner rather than later - but I'll let it ride for now. Okay I just have to mention that while I am typing this entry it STINKS in our apartment. It is so GROSS I can barely stand it. Remember that turkey dinner we made for S last Friday? Well unfortunately the remains have been sitting in our trash since then, tomorrow is garbage day but it definately cannot come fast enough! Oh and we don't put it outside because we have a bit of a wild animal population around here and we know within the hour it would be torn open and strewn all over our deck - double gross! Everyone at work seemed to notice that I was off yesterday! It was so annoying. Any other time nobody notices if I leave for a week's vacation. But today everyone kept asking me how I was feeling so I had to play along and go with the whole 'stomach' problems. Fun. But I did find out some good news today. A co-worker and I have been going through some issues with our boss regarding our flex time and it was finally approved today. Since I was a smart girl I hadn't stopped banking my extra time so I have this Friday off - woo! Before you could say tickety-boo I had called and booked myself a massage cause yah if I ever needed one before now is definately the time. Well it's off to the sanctuary of the bedroom for me (away from the smell!) and time for some beauty sleep - cause tomorrow is my Friday! Here's to better times ahead and calmer waters in my little ol' pool of life. 11:26 p.m. - 2006-10-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||