curious-me's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Issues....of many kinds So here it is a beautiful Saturday afternoon and what am I doing? Why sitting her typing an entry for y'all. Nah actually I'm killing time. I'm tired. I was out with T last night. We were supposed to just go for a quick swim at her mom's and then I would be dropped off at my apartment where I could have dinner and chillax for the rest of the evening. Instead her plans fell through so I was plan 'b' and we went out for a 'drink or two'. I should have known as I watched her get ready to go out (whore clothes) that it wouldn't be for a drink or two. We started with a pitcher of combat juice and then moved to a different bar where we had one drink each and then we moved on to our trashy local bar and this is where we ended the night. Now let me just say that I still have my cold and I was feeling like hell. I had no makeup on and I had 'pool' hair. Plus I was wearing the clothes I had worn to work that day - nothing special. This is my way of explaining why I nearly got into a fistfight with some guy who basically called me ugly. Oh yes he did. All the while trying to 'woo' my friend T. Hi ugly ducking syndrome? I think so. So yah I had less than a stellar night at the bar. I barely got a buzz cause I was feeling so worn out all the while I got to sit across from T while she got hit on by 3 different men. Although the 70 year old was the funniest one. What man that old thinks he can possibly get with a 26 year old? Seriously. He also tried to 'woo' her by offering her a ride home in his cadillac while 'her friend' could find her own way home. Classy. To say I am a wee bit down on myself right now would be putting it mildly. I really don't know the next time I will be out drinking with T cause I think a part of her revels in men fawning over her and going out with a friend who doesn't...how do I say this without sound pathetic...catch the fancy of the gentlemen like she does then all the more fun for her. This could just be my bittterness showing though. We'll see. So yah we got in around 2:30 and then headed to bed around 3am. I was up at 7 as I heard the hubby come home. Since we still live in our tiny one bedroom apartment he was a sweetheart and sat out on our deck playing on the laptop so he wouldn't wake us. I cannot wait to get a house! Not that I will be going out drinking with T though! Today I am supposed to go with her mom to drive T and her peeps to the airport as she leaves for Scotland today. Her mom wants me to go with her for company. I don't mind although she will be driving T's truck on the way back and the woman does not really pay attention to that little thing called traffic! Should be fun. Plus she'll be going on and on about her new love and you know how it goes when women gush endlessly and give a little tmi about their new loves. And yes, this could be my lack of sleep talking. It should be an interesting week. T lives a good distance away from me so I will be using her vehicle to get back and forth to work as well as taking her puppy dog out on twice daily long walks not to mention jumping everytime the realtors call and want to come over and show their house. Oh yes an interesting week it will be. Although it will be only a 3 day work week which will be very sweet. It's a holiday on Monday and then I also took the Tuesday off. I was supposed to have yesterday off as well but I saved it for the end of September when I move. I am going to try and make a concerted effort to be more positive. Even when things are going well I seem to always find the negative which is quite strange cause if you asked most people they would say I am a very upbeat positive person. Maybe this is where I come to be negative? Whatever it is it isn't working. I had a little talk with myself the other night. I went to a nearby park and forced myself not to get distracted. I didn't read or listen to music. I just sat there and let my thoughts run through my head. I had to figure out why it is I am so down on myself these days. Why I'm not happy especially with myself. Again and still it all boils down to my body image. I am at my most happiest when I am exercising and eating well....mostly exercising cause I feel an immediate difference in how I feel. Even if I am not 'seeing' results I am 'feeling' them. I have been making too many excuses about why I can't exercise and I know that September is going to be a crazy busy month but I must make myself a priority. Unfortunately I know I've said these things before but I can't go back. I can't go back and change them. I am where I am. I can either continue to wallow and be unhappy with myself and let it affect all aspects in my life - hello sex life? Or I can just take control and make myself a priority. I think that sounds like an excellent idea. So I will try this. No I will DO this. I will make myself a priority. This month is going to be insane. I am house sitting for 2 weeks (but I shall be walking a dog twice daily so this is excellent in 'project me') and then I will be going under the laser and getting my eyes fixed (I still have huge issues with this but I am trying to concentrate on the positive) and then at the end of the month is of course our big move to our HOUSE! A house! A freakin' house! No more apartment dwelling. That right there makes me want to weep! But that will be such a life altering change and I cannot wait! Of course until the end of the month I will be dealing with all sorts of nonsense such as house insurance, electricians, personal insurance - gah it's gonna get insane! So I feel the need to touch on my eye procedure - why? Because I have time and because this is my diary! I am obviously scared about the procedure - please help the surgeon not be hungover! These are my eyes we are talking about. Just please don't make them worse! But beyond that I am so scared to let go of my glasses. My glasses have become part of me. They are part of my identity. If I cry or am tired and my eyes are puffy they hide it...somewhat. I don't know I'm just scared about being exposed. Of course on the other hand I have one of the drunk guys' from last night look at me and say 'those glasses are ugly and don't suit your face'. Well please don't hold anything back. Of course I then said to him, "Well you look ugly without hair but I was too polite to say anything". Yah I was scrappy by the end of the night. Okay I think I have babbled on enough. Now I shall go and try and find a snack cause I am a tad peckish and know I won't be eating until at least 3 or 4 hours from now. Well wish me luck on my drive back from the airport with T's mom - eyes on the road woman eyes on the road! 2:09 p.m. - 2007-09-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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