curious-me's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- More time...please? 1:50pm I have done maybe 5 minutes of work today and good Lord I�m not even exaggerating. It�s been a day thus far of talking, meetings and eating. Work just doesn�t seem to be in the cards. It�s snowing! Big fat fluffy flakes (and I totally cannot type today cause it�s taken me many many tries to type this small paragraph. So I have issues. The same ones but still. They�re reeling their ugly heads. Yesterday I totally got in a crying/shouting jag with the hubby cause of my weight. Mostly my fault but his fault was still there and we both had a shitty day because of it (it happened as I was leaving for work yesterday morning). I hate when I let my weight dictate my happiness. And my feelings were definitely not allayed when I saw myself on�. UTube today. Yup I am on Utube. Belly dancing. Well a sort of belly dancing that if I gave you the name of you could totally type it in and see me in all my glory flopping around like a dead fish. Like seriously. You really don�t know what you look like until you see yourself flopping around on screen. I think I�m doing undulations and figure 8�s and what have you and all the while I�m jiggling around. Disheartening. Plus this one part where we�re walking four steps and then step right, and then walk four steps and step left, all the while I�m doing this I�m friggin� swinging my arms as if I�m casually walking down the street. Not holding them beside my body in the position our teacher showed us. Oy vey. It�s embarrassing and I don�t even think I�m gonna show Keith the link cause I have a feeling he�ll post it on f@cebook. Feh. It�s bad enough when he posted the video of me dancing at our friend�s party a few weeks ago. I was being a dork and dancing along this hallway so people could only catch glimpses of me as I went by. The video was like 20 seconds long so I really couldn�t be too upset about it. I�m really upset that I�m having this inner battle about my weight right now. On one hand I want to say �fudge it� I will start being good in the new year and let�s just enjoy myself and live a little. Then the other part of me is like �no dang it� you get back on track this instant. Have you seen your belly? Have you noticed that the one pair of pants you use to gauge your weight were too snug to wear today? Yah, how�s about we put down that sugar cookie and do a downward facing dog pose and then a nice one hour cardio session mmkay? Sigh. But I really really can�t pity myself right now over stuff like this. Not when there is an 8 year old girl dying of leukemia and her family is near bankruptcy. Or a newly married woman in ICU after being hit by an overloaded dump truck running a red light. Both these people I know � not well. But enough that I can�t help but send up a little prayer of thanks for all the things I have in my life. I�m nearly over this pms thing so I�m actually only tearing up while writing this rather than sobbing � woo.
Tonight is our last belly dance class (and I will refuse to be taped this time!). Afterwards we�re going out for some drinks and noshes. Another late night. But hey you know what? This kind of tiredness I can deal with � happy tiredness. But boy howdy I sure am looking forward to a nice long sleep Saturday morning � let�s hope it�s possible as it�s Christmas Day on Keith�s side of the family. We haven�t found out yet what time we�re supposed to be there but we�re (or at least I am) hoping it will be an afternoon thing � cause really what�s the rush? We still haven�t broken it to his mom that we won�t be spending the night before hand. Before it made sense when we travelled but now it doesn�t really matter. And I do feel really bad cause I am always staying at my parents place but his family has this really old farmhouse that is cold and drafty and has broken beds (double!) and plus Aunt Flo will be with me and there�s no upstairs washroom and their washroom is seriously scary. I sometimes fear the toilet will refuse to flush (septic tank). No thank you. Spending the day there will be more than enough for Aunt Flo and I. Okay I guess I will go do a smidgen of work. I am the one delegating it so I can at least go and pawn most of it off to my co-worker�s! Message to Christmas�..back off! I need more time! 4:16 p.m. - 2007-12-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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