curious-me's Diaryland Diary


Too many issues on a such a nice day

It seems my laptop doesn't like the good ol' outdoors. I can barely see a frickin' thing on the screen - and yes I'm out of the sun. But I think I may have found a position where it's bearable. But this is gonna be quick cause I have Got to get back to enjoying the beautiful day!

It is absolutely gorgeous out and I am having the hardest time enjoying it! The guilt is getting in the way. I have a hundred things I need to do (yes some are need not want) and more importantly the hubby is working and is having a Bad day. The truck he is driving broke down so it's set his day back by several hours. A day he hadn't intended on working since T had invited him to hang out with us tonight for her b-day. But that was T being T. It was supposed to be a girls night and when I asked about what she told Keith she blamed it on drinking and I had to tell Keith it was just a girls night. I can totally understand his biterness. Not only is his day going to be like 15 hours long but he doesn't get to go out and have any fun - but his wife does. Believe it or not it does affect my night as well.

Wow I didn't even mean to get into any of that but I guess it's what's been on my mind. Have I mentioned how awesome the weather is? Oh man. It's actually hot enough that when I walk back into the house after sitting outside reading (with sunscreen on) that I go 'whew' in relief to the coolness. YES! It was like this yesterday but of course I was working (I should have been off but my boss is being the big C word). I may have been a tad bitter about it but mostly I was tired - I had slept poorly the night before and I was just zonked. I even cancelled on my training session. It was to be our last one but I honestly didn't have the oomph in me and I just really wanted to go home and enjoy what was left of the day and see my hubby. If I had have gone to the gym I would have got home just in time to say goodnight to the hubby and we see so little of each other lately that that's not cool.

I noticed a cool thing the other day. I still get butterflies. The hubby and I had missed each other on Thursday and he was to be getting home just as I was leaving for belly dance. As I was driving I thought I saw his car coming towards me and I got all excited. Turns out it wasn't him but it made me remember the days when seeing him did give me butterflies when the relationship was new and shiny. Good to know I can still get them.

I'm trying to talk myself into going to the gym later on today. If I go around 4 or so then I can have a decent enough work out and take the shower I will need to take before going out tonight anyway. Plus I can stop at the party store to pick up more stuff for T's gift. Although I gotta tell ya looking at the time and sitting in this amazing weather it is going to take super human effort to get me away from this house. If it wasn't for missing part of T's gift and picking up her cake I can honestly say it probably wouldn't even happen.

I did accomplish quite a bit today. I cleaned up our stinky kitchen (it was the garbage stinking it up) but I did all the dishes and tidied it up. I also did a load of laundry as well as dig out my summer clothes. That last task was the hardest. I have this Huge tote and it was wedged in the back room. A lot of grunting and maybe even a few cuss words. It only got worse once I opened the lid.

There are so many clothes I don't fit into anymore. Each year I tell myself 'next summer' I will fit into them. Even though half the clothes I probably wouldn't end up wearing cause they are dated. There are also many that have sentimental attachment. Not so much who gave them to me but at the time of life that I wore them. What I was going through. How I felt about myself. I associate the clothing with the person I was at that time. And since they are my 'thin' clothes I was the most confident. I didn't hide behind baggy clothes or ill fitting ones. Oh I still had issues and I probably will for the rest of my life but for the most part I was confident and it showed. I miss that. I am getting quite good at becoming confident in how I look now but there are things that I know I will never love about my body. And yah I guess I just gotta shut up and start do'ing instead of just talking about it.

I think I may try and walk in the mornings for the next two weeks. My flex has been suspended (oh yah the boss finally admitted she was in the wrong about it BUT totally justified herself for putting it there in the first place AND won't rectify it till September - now understand why I call her the big C?) Yah so anyway my day won't start till 8:30 now instead of 8:00. Rather than use that time to say sleep....I should get up and walk in the mornings. I want to learn our neighbourhood anyway and this would be perfect. Well all except for the part of actually walking and not sleeping!

Alright my time is zooming on by and I must make the most of my last few hours of sun before getting bogged down in the details of life and the commitments. Plus there will be plenty of sun to enjoy this summer! Time to slather on more sunscreen and get back into my book!

1:57 p.m. - 2008-04-19


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