curious-me's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This is my state of mind today 8:30am I just need to get through the next 8 hours. I�m really not sure how I�m going to do that. I am already �acting� my heart out at work. I�m not in a good state of mind � at all. I�m not even going to go into it cause even though this is my diary I really don�t need to air every piece of dirty laundry out there you know? Suffice to say I am upset with Keith. I slept like shit. In fact I barely slept at all. He didn�t find out I was upset with him until he got up at 3am (and yes I was awake the whole time in the other room listening to him get ready and find out why I was upset). He left for work. I got up, fully dressed, and watched him drive away and cried again. I hate being so vague but let�s just say it revolves around trust and I�m not happy with the lack of it right now. I hate being at odds with him. I hate even more not talking to him about what�s wrong. I hated watching him drive off this morning knowing that I was mad at him and having no idea what he�s thinking. I have a huge pit in my stomach. I will admit I�m pretty weepy right now. I don�t know if it�s due to being so emotional or the lack of sleep but I suspect it�s both. And the kicker? My co-worker is retiring today. There are going to be tears. I will be crying. Is it wrong if some of those tears may not be for her? Oh don�t get me wrong I will be crying for her but I know a few of those tears I will be shedding will be for my situation. I have a head ache. I am cracking jokes with my co-workers and trying to act �normal�. I hate wearing my heart on my sleeve. I hate a lot of things right now. I heard the new Carrie Under-wood song on the radio last night and this morning. It was the last song I heard when I got out of the car and the first song I heard when I got in it. Last night while I was singing along with it I figured out that she was singing a cover from another artist (otherwise I wouldn�t have known the words already). Turns out it�s an old Randy Tr-avis song, �I told you so�. And just for the record? I cried while it played this morning. Fuck I wish my eyes would stop leaking already! It�s going to be a long day. ------- (It's now 12:20pm. The headache is worse and the day is still dragging. The co-worker's party is over and I cried buckets. Unfortunately there are still tears that are unshed. I know that having almost no sleep is the culprit to my emotions right now but I also know the pit in my stomach will not go away until I talk to him. 4 more hours to get through. 12:16 p.m. - 2009-01-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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