curious-me's Diaryland Diary

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don't take my sunshine away

It must be a record, I have been at work on time (early even!) four straight days in a row! This is no coincidence, I have been rushing my butt off in the mornings to make sure of this. I even managed to make myself breakfast this morning (okay it was just toast and peanut butter but still). Why am I doing this? Well itís not to win brownie points by any means but more for my piece of mind. Now CW canít come back on me for being late or what have you.

Iím feeling sort of melancholy today and I canít really figure out why. I slept kind of poorly. As I was going to bed this story popped into my head. Iíve had this happen before and normally I just kind of think thatís cool or maybe write a line or two to Ďremind myself laterí but this time I grabbed a pen (a very poor pen) and paper and wrote a page of the Ďstuffí in my head. Good thing I did cause even right now the details are a little hazy. I canít wait to see if the writing makes sense when I go home and read it. Yah so after I wrote the page I tried going to sleep but of course my brain continued on down the writing road and I was going through my head all the scenarios I would like to write about Ė changing the main characters name a few times, changing a few details that would piss off my friends cause the story is based loosely on when I moved here. Thatís about all thatís similar but still if I wrote about what a dickhead my best friendís boyfriend was at the timeÖ.yah Iím sure sheíd figure out real fast that part wasnít fiction!

Anywho my sleep wasnít what it should have been. I do notice a difference about how I sleep on dayís I exercise and dayís I donít. I definitely sleep deeper when I exercise.

Speaking of exercise and such, Iím not sure it was the wisest decision this morning as I was scrambling for clothes to try on a pair of pants I havenít fit into for oh at least 6 months or more in this strange mood Iím in. But I did. AndÖ..they fit! They fit!!!! I couldnít even make the button reach the hole several months ago let alone slip that button into the hole. It was just such an amazing feeling when that happened and it just confirmed that the track Iím on is the right one for me. I didnít mention it last night but I had a huge rant where I vented about an insensitive comment about my silís weight loss compared to mine from the hubby (I wrote about it in my other journal which basically is my neurotic ramblings about all things weight related). Yah I know he didnít mean anything by his comment and it really wasnít a hurtful one he was just pointing out how he could really notice that she lost weight of course he then tried to back peddle and say that he sees me every day so he knows it would be harder to see the results on me. Mkay believable but still feelings were hurt. Anywho it was just nice to slip into a pair of pants that didnít previously fit. I somehow felt vindicated if that makes sense? Also my co-worker today made a comment that she sees a difference in my appearance and just asked how things were going. Itís the small things that sometimes keep you going.

Speaking of the silís weight loss. She is doing great. Weíre about the same size (weíve shared clothes in the past or at least I should say she has worn my clothes). She mentioned that she can now fit into a smaller size and told me the number. Iím sceptical and I feel horrible for even feeling this way! I feel like I did that time with S when she told me her size and I knew there was no way she was so when we were out shopping I purposely made her try on that size andÖ..it didnít fit. Iím a horrible person sometimes. I just am. I can admit it. Donít worry I didnít make the sil try on the size she said she was down to when we were out shopping. Iím mean but not that mean. Weíre both trying to lose weight and we should celebrate every successÖ..as long as weíre both losing that is!

Okay I think I will do something rare and post this nowÖnot tonight! I just finished my awesome salad with grilled chicken and am going to head out into the cold afternoon (welcome back winter!) and go pay a bill that is loooong overdue and they kind of want their moneyÖ.yesterday. Ah well. The road up ahead is looking sunnierÖI can see that nowÖ.I just have to remember that.

1:23 p.m. - 2009-03-19

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