curious-me's Diaryland Diary


Guilt....Party of One

I'm antsy right now. Not just antsy but antsy with a side dish of blue. I'm not even quite sure why. Okay that's a lie, I do know why...and let me tell you.

I sent an email to my sils this morning outlining the hotel stuff in the Falls. My one sil answered and said she would talk to my bro about it and they'd decide what to do. I called him tonight to wish him a happy b-day and the subject came up. They kind of agree with me about not staying there. My dad's hope is that the whole fam will stay at one place and will be crazy fun (which I'm sure it would be) yet here I am throwing a wrench in the plans with my nay-saying of this place. It may be true or the hotel may come out smell like roses by August. Either way I've made things a lot harder and it sucks. It also sucks cause I stupidly said don't tell the 'rents about this as I don't want to hurt their feelings but now there are secrets and I HATE secrets and should know by now that no good ever comes with them. Sigh.

Next on my guilt list, tonight the hubby had his work calendar up on the computer and asked me which week I was going away with T? I told him and he excitedly told me that the guy who booked that week just cancelled and hey can he tag along or is this is a girl trip? Can I tell you it nearly broke my heart to tell him it's a girl trip and now I feel like scum....and like crying. He didn't throw a hissy fit or anything (which probably would have made it easier) but I knew he was disappointed. And this sucks. I don't want to be THAT girl who changes her plans cause her man is suddenly free. I did tell him that I would throw out the idea to T about making it a 'couples' trip but not to get his hopes up. He said that week will probably be snapped up once he offers it and he does want to double check with the guy who has it currently booked before I talk to T. I hate turning down any time the hubby and I can spend together (especially a week away) but this girl trip is just too good to be true. I can't believe T and I have actually committed and booked our accomodations and are really planning this. It's no longer an idea. It just....hurts saying no to the hubby....especially when part of me is jumping up and down screaming yes.

I could just be 'hormonal' or more likely it's due to lack of sleep. I was so tired last night but once my head hit the pillow I could not for the life of me fall asleep. Turns out I shouldn't have had that coffee at 8pm last night. At one point today I was holding a semi-cold bottle of water to my puffy eyes in an effort to try and get them to look less puffy! I was heading out to sell tickets for a gift basket in the office. Some people are real hard asses and rude to boot. I get that you don't want to buy a ticket but at least have the decency to say 'no thank you' and at least turn your head in our general direction. Oddly enough a few people changed their minds once they found out the money was being collected for our local food bank and not the united way which a lot of people hate btw.

Oh and just to add to my antsy-ness my friend in NS finally answered my email I sent a few days ago about maybe hooking up with her while we're down there (originally we were hoping for a place to crash but that may not happen not a huge deal). But, of course, at the end of the email she made a comment asking if Keith was coming cause she still hasn't met him. Another heaping pile of guilt just fell on me.

I really need to get to bed. I need a decent night's sleep. Maybe that will help with the antsy feeling...not sure about the guilt though.

Oh and I have one more worry on my mind, a fellow gal in d-land that I like a lot hasn't updated in a few days and it's not like her and I just wish she'd update to let us all know she's doing okay.

Erm I'm so going to bed now. G'nite.

9:28 p.m. - 2009-05-28


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