curious-me's Diaryland Diary


My gym bag lives under my desk at work....should I start charging it rent?

I have been on pins and needles all weekend! On Friday my sil called and told me she was in the hospital. She had gone to the doctor for her check-up and I guess her blood pressure was quite high so they decided to admit her to the hospital that day and begin inducing her on Saturday. It wasn't until Sunday morning that I heard things were going very slowly and that she was in a lot of pain (she has back problems). The last update I heard was that 'things are starting to pick up' and that was last night. I'm still waiting to here when my little nephew has left the womb.

I am not a happy camper these days. I play a good game at pretending to others but deep down I am just total BLAH. Everyone around me seems to be dieting, exercising and losing weight. Rather than get on the 'rah rah wagon' I hunker down and get even more depressed. I don't want to exercise and I hate eating right. I seem to be at an impasse with food lately. Nothing seems to get me excited. Any fast food I have tastes disgusting. You think this would be a good thing huh? But it's not like I'm running home to stuff my face with veggies instead. I still seek the comfort foods. I would still rather eat a bag of (meh) chips than a veggie platter. How sick am I? I'm really not impressed with myself. Plus it seems that every time I get back into fitness I get ko'd. First it was my cold that knocked me on my ass then just last week it was the damn cramping and what I suspect are cysts that had me curled up on the couch tucked under my comfy blankets as soon as I walked through the door after work.

And today? Today is a perfect example of my 'whatever' attitude I have going on. I went to bed early last night, of course I couldn't fall asleep so I took a pill and eventually was in dreamland. I wanted to get up and exercise this morning but I didn't cause I was so damn tired. Then I had grand plans of going to the gym at lunch but just the thought of trudging to the gym in the below zero weather had me turning the other cheek when the clock was nearing my lunch time. If I don't see what time it is then I can't leave on time. Clever aren't I? Or self sabatoging. I was supposed to go for a blood test about a month or so ago cause my doctor thought I should be upping my meds (or at least taking what he prescribed - I'm taking half). Rather than give it my all I'm sabatoging myself instead. I can't figure it out really and am quite disgusted in my behaviour which makes me even more upset and blah....and yah it's just a vicious circle from there.

I guess it doesn't help that married life is kind of strained lately. Things between the hubby and I are fine don't get me wrong it's just that with his leg still not better we are both worried about the future. If it turns out that surgery is the only fix for him than that will mean 4 - 6 weeks off work without pay. I'm sure we'll be able to swing it for the most part but times will be tight and some bills won't get paid. Plus? We had talked about going away in March and besides the upcoming uncertain finances there's no way we could go anywhere with his knee like that. He can't walk without limping and after being on it too long his leg gets super sore. We can't even go away for a mini-pick-me-up holiday due to his leg. Of course this is when a tiny part of me feels resentful that his leg won't get better - as if he can control that!? I try to contain that snarkiness when I feel it rearing it's ugly head.

Yesterday we went out for a late lunch early dinner and we just sat there and talked and there was no tv or distractions and it was just....nice. It was just chit chat and not about 'the uncertain future' or how sore his leg is. Both of us are more than ready for our chiro appointment tomorrow. Last night during 'adult time' Keith had back spasms that put a kibosh on any more fun. You know it's bad when. As for me my back is just uncomfortable. I know I am 'out' and the back cracking cannot come soon enough for me (tomorrow at 5 is our appointment).

I watched a lot of the grammy's last night which surprised me. I never watch that stuff. Man is it annoying! There are so man freakin' commercials. 3 minutes of the show, 5 minutes of commercials! Although when the MJ tribute came on and they said put on your 3d glasses now, I just happened to have a pair sitting beside me so I threw them on. Kind of cool.

On Saturday I went to T's mom's. She lives about 45 minutes from here. A loooong drive when you have no idea where you are going and your coolant light keeps coming on. Sigh. Stupid car. Her house is quite nice - old country house. REEKED. I walked in the door and immediately gagged. Yes gagged. I actually thought I was going to throw up for one horrifying moment. You see, they have started a rat business. They are breeding them to sell them. The details are sketchy at best. But it didn't stop them from immediately buying them and breeding the suckers. I believe they have about a 1000 of them. It is disgusting. They are kept in the basement but the smell of their pee is disgusting. It didn't help that the cages hadn't been cleaned in 7 days and hey today was cleaning day! I seriously felt ill most of the time I was there. But it made her super happy that we all showed up to celebrate her b-day so I can't be too upset that I had to endure a stinky smell for a few hours.


Update. Well the above was written earlier at work. I was going to delete it and not post it but then I decided screw it, this is my diary and this is how I felt this afternoon and have been feeling for the last while. Although I do have to say that I text'd Keith and told him to 'make' me exercise when I got home from work and he did his job. I walked through the door with all those thoughts of exercise gone from my head BUT my lovely hubby made me go exercise and.....I felt Great afterwards. I'm a dork for not just making myself do it.

8:25 p.m. - 2010-02-01


previous - next

latest entry

about me





random entry

other diaries: