curious-me's Diaryland Diary

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Normal is overrated right?

This weekend was a blast (more on that later) cause I want to talk about last night. I was so tired I felt that as soon as my head hit the pillow it would be lights outÖparty overÖ.sleep of the dead etc etc. I was so tired I could have went to bed at 7pm last night but I held out till 10. The hubby came upstairs and began to wash dishes (he was also wicked tired but had drank 2L of coke the last few hours). While waiting for him to come to bed I began to flip channels and stopped when I came to a 9/11 expose of some sort. It was basically footage filmed by regular people on the day of. The images were just as horrific today as they were back then. The people jumping to their death is something I have never forgotten and last night I got to witness it again first hand. I was on the verge of tears by the time we turned off the tv at 10:30. Half an hour of watching that and any chance of sleeping was gone. My stomach which had twisted in knots watching the footage now had a permanent ache. Suddenly I began to worry about other things. Death of loved ones. My husband leaving in the morning with no cell phone driving on ice covered roads. I could not shut my mind off.

I finally got up at 11:30 and read for about an hour in the other room. I crawled back into bed and tossed and turned for another hour or so. Finally I must have fallen asleep but it was not the restful slumber I had anticipated. It was a disjointed sleep that had me waking up every half hour or so and I just cannot believe that watching 30 minutes of 9/11 footage could send me down such a spiral. Lately Iíve been come to the realization that I may have some anxiety issues. I never thought I would write that. Iím the happy-go-lucky person that everyone around me knows and depends on. I would never have used the word anxiety before to describe me butÖ..now? Iím not saying that this anxiety I have defines me or that I will be going out and getting this confirmed or Lord forbid taking drugs but now that Iím aware of it maybe I should take steps in decreasing it. Maybe I am completely wrong about all this but I donít think I am. Like I said now that Iím aware maybe I can take steps to help decrease it. One thing I know I can doÖ.avoid watching programs right before bed that are going to impact my psyche!

So the weekend. Friday I was off and went for an hour long massage. It was a guy Iíve never had before. He had strong hands. Sometimes those hands brought pain but then the pain gave way to relief in my knotted muscles so I wasnít going to complain. Afterwards I headed over to my doctorís office and picked up some meds for the month (my doctor cancelled my appointment as he is off sick). I made a new appointment for the end of the month.

Afterwards I picked up a few groceries, grabbed a coffee and headed home cause the weather was Terrible. I spent the afternoon watching tv and totally avoiding cleaning like the hubby thought I would be doing. Guilty. By the time our company arrived Saturday evening our house was spic and span and we were tired but happy with our clean home. PlusÖ.for the first time our basement was actually CLEAN and we didnít just pick up the clutter and move it to another room. That felt great. I also took several boxes to the second hand store so woo for us!

Our company arrived a few hours late which we expected cause itís how they roll. S and her guy The Singer really did abstain from drinking this weekend. I pried and tried to find out why they were doing this. Apparently they were ďde-toxingĒ. They had been drinking a lot these past few months and wanted to stop for a while. Iím thinking they must have really been out of control if they had to go cold turkey like this. They pretty much drank us out of all other liquid in our house Ė my cranberry mix for my own drinks, pop, waterÖ.pretty much everything non-alcoholic they drank. Iím guessing they were quite thirsty!! But they were still quite fun so I was quite relieved. The next day S would jokingly ask if we were hung over cause we were yawning at which point I wanted to snarl at her that unlike her and The Singer we didnít roll out of bed at NOON. Yah those two lazy bones went to bed close to 3am like all of us but unlike the rest of us who were up around 10 they didnít get out of bed til I knocked on their door to tell them we were going to leave without them to go get food if they didnítí get up now! Uh sleep well?

We finally made It out to lunch around 1:30 and had a decadent poutine and smoked meat sandwich for lunch ( SO good). Then we parted ways and our company headed for home while we did some speed grocery shopping and then we jumped into our lounging wear and ate terrible food for the rest of the day.

Now? Now I am suffering at work. Oh my employer knew what they were doing when they took our pretty much unlimited sick days (well we had to acquire them) and give us only 9. I would have totally called in sick this morning if I had more than the 9 measly ones they give us. Even now Iím sort of regretting not calling in. My head is kind of spinny and my stomach has that off kilter thing going on. But mostly Iím just being a big whiner. Ah well at least I put my requests in for summer vacation today Ė not sure if Iíll actually get the days I want but weíll see what happens. I have 16 days accrued and so far I have requested 11. I think I accrue about 1.5 a month.

Well I made it through the work day - I had an awesome dinner and now am chillaxin' before bed. No serious tv before bed - no worrying about nuthin' tonight. I see many zzzzz's in my future!

8:39 p.m. - 2012-01-30

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