curious-me's Diaryland Diary

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I have lots of salt....tequila might be called for

Life is complicated. Understatement of the year and something Iím sure everyone is already quite aware of. I felt this acutely last night as I sat outside on my front step at 9:30 just letting the cool evening breeze wash over me as I let all the thoughts in my head tumble about and try and make sense of my feelings. I missed my nephewís first year birthday party as well as my other nephewís 8th year celebration. I looked at the pictures on fb and felt this huge loss of not being there. It was my choice. When I finally expressed my feelings to Keith a few hours earlier in the evening he did say he was shocked that I didnít ďmake us goĒ regardless that I had told everyone we couldnít make it. We had travelled the last few weekends and we were tired and not to mention the amount of money we spent on gas, we just wanted to stay home for a weekend. Also and this is hard to admit but I was upset at my sister in law. I felt that she disrespected my dad by being pissed about him wanting to have a family celebration for his birthday at the cottage when he was on vacation. She stated they werenít going cause it was selfish of him to do this. It was a 2.5 drive for them. The same drive it is for us every time we go visit my parents or 3 hours to see them. So yes it was a 5+ hour drive for us but we did it. As I told her, my dad is getting old, my parents are getting old, how many more birthdayís will I be able to celebrate with them? But she remained resolute and they didnít come. Now she claimed it was too much bringing the 2 kids up for just a day but I know she could have either stayed at the cottage (squished but itís family) or stayed with her brother and his family who have the room and live half an hour from the cottage. It was doable. So yah part of me was mad and I let that anger colour my choice for the weekend. Iím not proud of it. In fact Iím ashamed. But I do know that if I hadnít travelled the last 2 weekends and wasn't burnt out (or tapped out) then yah I would have made the drive. Another regret in life? Maybe. Iím not sure yet.

Last night I sat out and thought about all this stuff. I was feeling melancholy and Iím sure if I had been left to dwell much longer I probably would have shed a tear or two as that was the mood I was in. But as it was Keith came out and we ended up sitting outside a while longer just talking. I enjoyed that.

I spent Thursday night and Friday night entertaining myself which was fine. But it made the one on one time with that man of mine even sweeter. Itís good to know after almost 8 years of marriage I canít get enough one on one time with my guy!

As we drove to visit T and her family at a nearby campsite Saturday afternoon I was surprised to find out that Keith hadnít had as good a time with his friend as I thought. I guess they have grown apart which is no surprise as they see each other once every 5 or so years. But now it might be more frequent as he lives closer. Their views are polar opposites but I suspect that is only because they both love to Ďdebateí and they both love to be right. I am now so glad I steered clear of the 2 of them.

I set my alarm for 6am to walk this morning. Yah that didnít work. I just cannot get up early. My body laughs at me and tells me to roll back over and keep sleeping. I obey. Oh to be a morning person!

On the bright side I did a crap load of reading these past few days. I finally finished a book Iíve been reading for a while and started another and just finished that last night. Iím still slogging through Jane Austen on my e-book. I will read her books but it may take me a long while. Iíve noticed that I now read 3 books at once and enjoy it. I keep a book at work to read on my lunch or if we have no work. I keep a paper book at home and have a book on my kobo going too Ė sometimes 2 on that! Variety.

***Just a quick update to say that I did walk on my lunch hour (yay) and as a consequence my butt is kind of sore! Hm guess it's been a while since I walked and climbed the stairs!

**Oh and it seems my family can't stop posting pics on fb of the weekend. Like salt in a wound.

9:37 p.m. - 2013-08-19

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