curious-me's Diaryland Diary

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Write it down....feel better (okay)

You know what being in debt teaches you? That you never want to be in debt again! I wish I hadnít buried my head in the sand for so many years afraid to face the facts, afraid to look at the numbers and afraid to face reality. But you canít go back in time. You can just march onward and wellÖ.face facts. You sit down, review the numbers and you begin making Ďa planí on how to pay your debt off. On paper itís just numbers but when you look at your bank account you canít help but notice how many more deductions there are than deposits.

We are now under the gun for Keith to find a job. Both of us are stressed to the max but neither of us really admitting to each other just how worried we are. We privately have our own little freak outs then admit it to the other while downplaying how bad it was and how we are worried. We did crunch the numbers the other night and we can squeak by on just my income but I mean squeak as in if something were to need repairing or fixing and it was beyond $50 we would be in trouble. We do have a tiny bit of a cushion this time as we did start doing something right and opened a savings account a year ago and have been putting money into it monthly. Itís not a large amount but itís about a monthís worth of expenses.

I know Keith is freaking out about finding work but it still doesnít stop me from sometimes looking over at him and wanting to scream JUST FIND A JOB ALREADY!!! ANY JOB!!! But yah that wonít help. I know heís not being choosy. And heís even considering applying for the place that canned him when he got hurt. The place he hated. But the money was pretty good and thatís what it boils down to. My heart and soul doesnít want him working there but my brain is already pushing him towards applying. Evil brain all it cares about is money.

We have 4 birthdays coming up within the next couple months. But luckily 2 are toddlers so they are easy and cheap to buy for (I do not go for expensive toys at all). Cís birthday celebration is next week and I am already agonizing over spending money on it. T and I are going in on the gift but still thatís $25 out of our already non-existent funds.

Deep breath. And this too shall pass.

Meanwhile my friend S is making lemonade out of lemons. I spoke to her last night. Her work just gave her 3 months notice. She has decided to look at this as a positive thing. Her last work day is March 31st. Then she will go on vacation to Austin Texas. (They had already booked and planned this vacay). Then when she comes back, she will go on EI and collect pogey and this summer she will tour the country with her boyfriend as he sings at festivals and any other place that will pay him. Sheís actually pretty damn excited about this. Her work is union so she is not too worried as she feels she will get another job within the centre. It was good speaking with her last night although itís one of those little things where your situation is draining and taking a toll on your soul and you are sitting beside your partially deaf husband and listening to someone go on about how great their life is and how they are looking forward to being unemployed. I donít begrudge her this Ė she has gone through a LOT of hard times. Iím sure once our situation gets marginally better I will be able to not have to fake a smile while listening to how much she is going to be travelling and how much fun she will be having.

Until then I will continue to get my walk on at the track after work. This is such a huge stress buster I cannot tell you. Even though I donít consciously think about our money problems I know my body is always at a high stress level because of it. When I walk I throw in my earbuds and just start walking around in circles letting my mind wander and refusing to think about anything serious or important.

Tonight I asked T to join me. Normally we swim but I canít swim this week as I have this small wound/infection on my back. Itís just about gone Ė but definitely do not want to be anywhere near chlorine while I have it. So I asked T if she wanted to come to town and walk with me and she surprised me by saying yes. I donít usually walk with people as itís ME time but this is an exception and thatís how Iím looking at it. Although as per usual anything with T has to go through 50 texts and emails just to set up, confirm, change plans, re-confirms plans then tell her to quit changing the plans and just frigginí meet me after work!

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This was written yesterday. I am feeling a lot better - although I heard on the radio that just writing down your problems in a journal etc does help with your stress level so that may have something to do with it. T and I did go walking and then did a bit of retail therapy at the second hand store. I hmmed and hawed over a gorgeous sweater with a heart on it cause it was $9.99 then as I was about to put it back I found out it was half off. Done. It's gonna be my valentine's sweater! I also bought Keith a sweater for $3 (again half off) cause I'm generous like that.

Now I have 3 days off ahead of me - then Sunday night I travel to T dot with a co-worker/friend to spend the night at a hotel for a meeting on Monday morning at our head office. Good times!

8:18 p.m. - 2014-01-23

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