curious-me's Diaryland Diary


Funk....and not the good kind.

I'm in the middle of a f-u-n-k right now. I should clarify - it's not an all over funk it's a 'work out' funk. My body refuses to get back into work out mode. After my disappointment from my doctor's appointment a few weeks ago (gaining weight) I am disillusioned with working out. Period. Now I know...I KNOW that I haven't been eating the best and sure I meant to add more to my workouts but that doesn't mean my body is buying it. For the last 2 mornings I've set my alarm to work out and then reset it and have gone back to sleep. And I really know for sure I have to snap out of this apathy.

I may also be misplacing some of this funk from other areas of my life. My family had my dad's birthday party yesterday. My brothers and their families are all there along with other members and logically I know I couldn't have made it - obviously as it's the middle of a work week. And logically I know everyone else is on vacay but all the same my heart hurts for looking at pics of my family enjoying themselves and knowing Keith and I are not part of it. I know for a fact my dad feels a bit bad as I heard it in his voice when I called to wish him a happy b-day during the celebrations. I don't want anyone to feel bad but I can't deny that right now I am hurting over this. I will be seeing most of my fam this weekend which is nice but I know for a fact I have to get over this hurt before I see them or else I will have a chip on my shoulder and I don't want that.

I also am a bit sad because Keith and I are planning our vacay and we were looking at going States side but now that our dollar is doing a dive bomb we may have to scratch the plans and stay on Cdn soil which is fine but Keith is getting all squirrely about money lately. Yes we owe a shit load but we are doing really well with our savings, paying off our bills and our spending has been down. I am bummed that my research was for naught but I just hope we can pull it together and plan something to take it's place without too much angst.

Oh and I've spent quite a bit (for me) at the thrift store these last 2 days. 50% off sale. I got a lot of stuff - pretty much a new wardrobe for summer - shorts, capris, dresses, swimsuits, a sweater and tops - even stuff for Keith. I saved a lot. But still I feel the guilt of spending money (see above). But I did put quite a bit of money away several months ago so I have been taking from that stash. Man I just realized it sounds like I've spent hundreds of dollars when all I spent is less than $60! I got so much for that money but I've become conditioned to freak out over spending money. Oh and I bought a pair of shoes! I rarely go into stores these days and when I do I freak out over 'new' prices. Oh my how things have changed.

Alright I think that is all. Time to go watch my recorded big brother - because I refuse to watch commercials.

Maybe tomorrow I will get up and exercise...but I wouldn't hold your breath.

9:33 p.m. - 2015-08-06


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