curious-me's Diaryland
Diary
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2 for 1 entries today!
Okay I wrote 2 entries but haven't had a chance to post til now: Thursday: I think my cold is starting to get better. And I’m pretty sure I’m not deluding myself. I’m not feeling so tired and worn out which is great. I have to take a lot of cough suppressant at night or else I would be up the whole night.
I’m still sticking with my decision of doing nano wrimo this year and in that vein I have been trying to get my writing in order. Over the years I have attempted to write a couple books but I write in chunks and blocks when I had the time and didn’t exactly piece it all together at the end. So now I have all these floating chunks (mmmm appetizing) that I have to put together to see where I am and figure out how to continue on. Funny enough I’ve found the last 2 stories I have attempted and humbly I say they aren’t half that bad. But then I come across the story from 2011 and wow how horrible! I’m also missing a few other stories that I am going to have to ask Keith about. He’s my IT guy. I am horrible at keeping track. It’s like I would write like a demon for nano wrimo then come the end of November I would ditch the writing and move on. I guess I was sick of writing? Although funny enough the most recent story I started last year wasn’t because of nano I just had an idea and began to write. Creativity. I’m looking forward to getting back into it.
Besides writing I am going through a reading phase as well. I just realized I have 5 books going at once. I got 3 out of from the library (and yes I’ve started each one) and one at work and one at home as well. I guess it’s a good thing I’m going to the annual booksale tomorrow to buy a crap load more!
So I have continued dressing in a comfy manner this week for work – basically it means any piece of clothing which is nice and loose and most importantly comfy I have been wearing. Bagginess is the name of the game. I’m certainly not going for style this week. Although I may have to say goodbye to the pants I am wearing today as I found out the hem is ripped cause they are so long and they keep wrapping around my one shoe. Not a great look. But I did wear one of those infinity scarves I think they are called? I rarely wear these scarves cause I feel I can’t pull them off but then I thought ‘who cares’ just try it. Plus I bought it for 99 cents in Pittsburgh. So you know I had to wear it at least once! Friday: This Friday is lacking that “FRIDAY!!!!” kind of feeling. It is in other words lacklustre. It almost feels like a Monday. Case in point I just totally screwed up a call and transferred it to the wrong queue. Oh man. I should have just taken a vac day.
I went to my doctor’s appointment this morning and I was in a pretty foul mood from the get go. That extra hour of sleep was interrupted several times during the night and then I woke up a bit early from a dream where my mom was missing and it was a ‘horror’ type dream. It didn’t scare me so much as leave an icky feeling from it. And it is totally based on the fact my mom and I are playing phone tag this week and haven’t had a chance to talk. Lame.
So my doctor’s appointment. I think I may have mentioned after my last doctor’s appointment 3 months ago I sort of been going through a downward spiral. I had been trying hard and last time my weight was up by like 2 pounds and I felt defeated. Compound my dad’s health issues and the last thing I felt like focusing on was myself and I just kept going down. I had a ‘seize the day’ mentality going – as in who cares if I exercise again? Eating healthy? Nope! Hey look chips! Chocolate? Bring it on! Wow look I can eat as much as my husband who has a physical job and who barely eats thru the day unlike myself where I sit on my butt all day at a desk job with 2 square meals in me plus snacks. Yah good thing I’m keeping up with him at dinner and then lying around like a slug in front of the computer and tv for 4 hours after he goes to bed! So yah – pity party for one big time.
But I never vocalized this. I mean Keith knows a bit of how I feel but I can’t be the type of person who lets others know how much I am feeling (aka hurting) and going through internally. I sometimes find it hard to post these thoughts here but I’m afraid if I don’t get them out of me – these thoughts – I may just keep spiralling. I considered for a nanosecond talking to my doctor about it but I’m a chicken and didn’t. Now I did answer him honestly when he asked if I had been exercising and eating healthy. I said nope. I then explained a bit further and said after my last visit I was discouraged. That’s all I admitted.
To his credit he did tell me that having diabetes is hard cause you don’t feel sick or what have you but I’m only hurting myself if I don’t exercise and eat healthy. He wasn’t preachy about it. But for him that was as much of a pep talk as I’ve ever heard. I didn’t go into saying yah I know diabetes is the silent killer cause look at my dad. Cause I had the feeling if I mentioned my dad at all I would totally lose it. And I don’t do that. Nope. Only in private.
My blood pressure’s first reading at the office was 160/100 which tells you how anxious I was about going to this appointment and I’m pretty sure I even sabotaged it further by vacuuming up chips and pumpkin oreo (yum) cookies like they were going out of style this past week. So no surprise when I stepped on the scale and had gained 10 pounds.
I left the appointment resolved to stop being an idiot and just start flipping work out again. Summer is over. Our decadent vacation is behind me. I am almost better from this cold – no excuses. NO EXCUSES. I was doing so well this time last year when I was walking. I like my elliptical but I think walking gives me more of a workout. But I don’t want to go walking if the stalker old guy is there. I don’t know. Excuses? I will figure it out. I have to.
I continued on my way to work and stopped for a much needed treat – a tim’s coffee – I got to work and after logging in and getting set up I grabbed that cup and sniffed and thought ‘huh smells like black coffee’. Yah it was. Not a regular like I take. DAMN IT! So I stole some cream from the fridge and threw in a sweetner at my desk and meh it tastes ‘ok’ but not that sweet taste of tim’s. I plan on treating myself tonight when I go to the book sale.
I will check the coffee before I drive off.
12:34 p.m. - 2015-10-24
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