curious-me's Diaryland Diary



Written September 21st

As I may have mentioned once or a thousand times I love lists. I love making them for pretty much anything and everything. I love planning short trips, I love planning long trips, I even like making list of things I need to accomplish on the weekends. It is with a sweet torture that I am refraining in making any lists at all. I am living day to day – moment to moment. It’s a lot harder than I expected but it’s also hard to make those lists, those plans only to have to drop everything when you get a call that your family needs you.

My dad – I would like to say has turned a corner but that isn’t 100% accurate yet. He is still in ICU waiting for his two doctors to both sign off on his transferring hospitals which I am guessing means out of ICU as well. Waiting and praying is all we’re doing right now. It’s been a rough week.

This past weekend I was supposed to have my older brother and his family down on Saturday and we were all going out. Friday night while I was out with T and C at the races I was texting non stop and going through agony trying to decide what to do. There was a part of me that wanted to cancel our plans and go home to my family and see my dad. There was another part that wanted NOT to go home. Why? Because that way I was giving my dad’s health scare too much power. It would mean more. It would make it super serious. Once I got my head out of the sand I got real and cancelled the plans and Saturday Keith and I headed down to be with my family. This was MY dad we were talking about. The rock of the family.

The drive down was slow going as it was raining and foggy and super bad roads. We made it later than planned but as things have a way of doing it worked out for the best. My older brother and his fam had recently visited my dad so he was alone. He was super tired and more shaky than I expected him to be. But he was sitting in a chair so that was encouraging. We visited for about half an hour then left him to rest. On the drive over to my younger brother’s house where everyone was waiting for us I couldn’t help but cry. My super strong dad in a hospital looking worse than I had imagined. I had to get the tears out of the way and be strong for my mom especially. I did pull it together and my family pulled together a mini party for me which was so thoughtful it almost made me cry! With all that was going on it was the last thing I expected.

My sil got home from work just after 11 and I stayed up til about midnight chatting with her. I doubt any of us go any real sleep as we were all up before 8am. I was technically up at 5 when my youngest nephew tried to climb into bed with us but he had a wet bum and before letting him into bed I told him we had to change him or at least take his wet pull up off. He lost it and went sobbing upstairs. Oy 4 year olds. He did come back an hour or so later dry and changed in new pj’s and he stayed for about 5 minute tops before becoming too restless.

All 7 of us drove to church in one vehicle (don’t mention it to Keith as he got to sit at the very back with the 2 boys squished in a small seat and is still sore!) After church we drove back to the house and Keith and I grabbed our car and headed the 40 minutes to go see my dad before we left. My dad looked so much better. Not so tired and not as shaky. He said he felt pretty bad and really hates his hospital bed plus his neighbour has a tv and watches it all hours of the day and night and nobody seems to care that this is ICU? We figure the hospital owes him for not suing them for malpractice or his family has oodles of money – it’s the only two scenarios we could come up with why a hospital would let him get away with his behaviour.

We left later than planned but I left feeling ok and no tears this time. I got 9 hours sleep that night and I still don’t feel like it was enough.

Now I am living moment to moment. Trying not to make plans too far ahead. It goes without saying I would drop everything in a heartbeat to go where I am needed. It also makes me kind of glad I didn’t play hooky with my sick days this summer!

September 23rd

Update: My dad is out of ICU! They transferred him to a different hospital - back in their home town so now he is only 5 minutes away from my mom. My brother said once his oxygen gets up to an acceptable level then the hospital will release him. This is great news.

I need less drama in my life. And sleep. Lots of sleep.

9:29 p.m. - 2016-09-23


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