curious-me's Diaryland Diary


Feeling the angst of being an adult

I'm feeling rather disillusioned right now. I went swimming with T tonight and she really opened up about her marriage and all the issues she's been having almost seems from the beginning. I feel sad. I also feel that so many marriages are not what they seem. I feel like I've been living in a bubble for so long. That bubble has burst.

I also am feeling dis-heartened. I think I mentioned I was invited on a girls' trip to NYC? Maybe I didn't. Anyhow I was invited. I learned tonight the true circumstances surrounding it. Apparently it was a girl 4 some going and one of the girls invited a 5th throwing everything off so they thought of me and invited me to even things out. But nobody told me this. Turns out the 5th girl has since backed out. Meaning they don't need me to go. UNLESS one of the unreliable girls backs out due to money issues which she always seems to have - but they won't know until March 1st when everyone is supposed to pay. I'm sitting here reading the messages of everyone saying how freaking excited they are and I am feeling a tiny bit pissy. I reeeeeally want to just 'leave the group' on fb until I know whether I'm going or not. It's hard to read everyone' excitement knowing come March 2 I may be jumping out of the group then. Cut the strings now?

The only thing holding me back is that T is having a tough week and I don't want to add to it. Today she wrote her husband a no holds bar letter and she was going home tonight to see the result. But she said she has done this before and her husband will make a few vague promises but never followed thru.

But one thing I am learning lately is that nobody is going to look out for your happiness except YOU. I doubt my leaving a fb group is really going to cut T. My gawd I sound like a whiny teen right now.

I need sleep.

Life is tough.

9:37 p.m. - 2020-02-20


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